


if only for tonight

by randomwriter57



Category: Free!
Genre: ?????, Comfort/Angst, Depression, M/M, also i've written makoto kind of depressed so sorry, it's like 'the promise' in that i wrote it before episode 13 so there is canon divergence, just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 02:24:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2451188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomwriter57/pseuds/randomwriter57
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto struggles with Haruka's absence after their first fight. Haruka surprises Makoto upon his return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if only for tonight

**Author's Note:**

> This is the piece I wrote for day 22 of my 30 day writing challenge in September. I wrote this before episode 13 of ES, so there is obvious canon divergence. Still, I hope you enjoy this!

Makoto didn't realise he what he had been staring at until a fly crossed through his field of vision, zipping past him and out of the open window to his left, right over it.

Haru's desk.

No one was seated at the desk. In fact it had been empty for a few days now, and would remain so for a few days after that, too. Its owner wouldn't return to it until next week, when he returned.

Makoto sighed, turning back to the front. He surely wouldn't be able to focus on the lesson, but the least he could do was try.

Except he couldn't keep his mind from wandering to Haru. They had parted on such a bad note. He must have been too forceful, or perhaps he had picked a bad time to talk to him about it.

Haru's future.

But if he hadn't, Haru wouldn't think about his future, would end up without a place to go come spring.

Next spring... His decision to go to Tokyo had been a tough one. He'd spent so long wondering, so long trying to decide if this was really what he had wanted to do. And then there was the issue of telling Haru. He couldn't find the right time, so it was only when Haru asked that he was finally able to tell him.

His eyes, the pure shock and heartbreak emanated within them... It still broke his heart, knowing he had caused that.

Knowing he was going to leave Haru behind.

At least this impromptu trip with Rin would help him. He'd get a break (from Makoto, from his _nagging_ ), and maybe he'd even find his dream for the future (without him, with Rin). He'd find his happiness.

Now Makoto just needed to find his own happiness (without Haru by his side).

Perhaps coaching or teaching would be his happiness. When he had worked at the Iwatobi Swim Club Returns, he had felt so much joy, seeing the children go from being wary of him to begging him not to leave - especially Hayato, how he had gone from being so afraid of the water to swimming backstroke, just like him.

He couldn't deny, however, that it would not be the same without Haru at his side. After so many years of being together, it would be strange not to go to his house every day, not to extend a hand to pull him out of the water. He supposed it would feel like a long-term holiday, at first - except he wouldn't have his parents either, and he wouldn't come back for a long time.

Just the thought made him want to go back on his decision, to say _"No, I think I'll go to the local college instead!"_

Except even then, Haru wouldn't be there. He'd probably end up going pro, joining a professional team and swimming (alongside Rin) outside of Iwatobi. In any case, he'd end up leaving Makoto.

There was nothing he could do.

Makoto needed to stay true to his decision. After all, this was his future, and he couldn't let nostalgia hold him back (not that Haru held him back, not at all). He needed to move on, towards his future.

"Tachibana-kun!"

He broke out of his thoughts with a start. "Y-yes?"

The teacher frowned at him. "Please pay attention, or else you'll miss all of the notes."

Makoto looked down at his desk, mumbling an embarrassed apology. He really had spaced out again, hadn't he?

His eyes continued drifting towards the empty desk, but he did not fall back into his thoughts. He needed to concentrate. The future was for later.

 

* * *

 

Makoto didn't go to see Haru on the day he returned. After their fight, he didn't want to bother him if he didn't want to see him (and surely he wouldn't, because Makoto just stuck his nose into his business far too often, and surely that annoyed Haru to no end). So he stayed home, looked after his siblings, did his homework. It was a Sunday, so he didn't have much else to do.

Not that he ignored Haru completely. He did rewrite his class notes and post a copy through Haru's door, along with the worksheets and homework he had missed. After all, even if he didn't need good grades to be a pro swimmer, the teacher would expect him to catch up in his own time anyway. The least Makoto could do was make it easier for him to do that.

The next day at school, the desk remained empty, despite Haru having returned. Makoto supposed it was because he was jet-lagged, and that he needed to rest before he returned. He dutifully collected Haru's missed work and vowed to rewrite his notes after school before posting them through Haru's letterbox again.

Except when he got to Haru's house, the door opened before he could post the work through the door.

Haru looked the same as ever (albeit a little more tanned), and Makoto almost believed they had never fought at all.

Except they had, and the sadness in his eyes reflected that.

"H-Haru!" Makoto exclaimed, almost dropping the papers. He hadn't counted on seeing Haru at his house - what was he supposed to do? He couldn't just give him the papers and walk away.

"Come inside," Haru said in a voice that showed no emotion before walking back into the depths of his home.

Makoto hastened to obey, closing the door behind himself before following Haru into the main room of the house. Haru stood in the kitchen, filling the kettle. “Sit down,” he called through as he threw tea leaves into a strainer. He then flicked the switch on the kettle and returned to the living room, sitting down across from Makoto at the table.

There was silence. The silence was tense, an atmosphere neither were really all that used to feeling around each other. They knew what they had to talk about, but how to bring it up was another matter entirely.

_‘What should I do? Should I apologise?’_ Makoto thought that would definitely be his best bet - after all, he was the one at fault for their fight. Deciding that’s exactly what he should do, he opened his mouth to apologise-

But the apology came from the wrong mouth.

Makoto stared at Haru. It took a few moments for his brain to finally process what he’d just heard. “W-what?” Haru had no reason to be sorry - it was he who had been at fault, wasn’t it?

“I overreacted when you tried to help me, and I said things I didn’t mean.” Haru looked down, avoiding Makoto’s eyes. Before Makoto could even think of what to say, Haru looked up at him and spoke again. “You don’t have to worry anymore. I’ve found it.”

The unspoken words rang clearly in Makoto’s head: _My dream._

Makoto couldn’t help but let a smile wash over his features, hiding his confusion and sadness. “That’s great, Haru! I’m really happy for you.” He wished he could go home, could just lie down and think. Or perhaps he just wanted the world to stop moving so quickly. Perhaps he just wanted to slow down.

“You don’t look happy.” Haru’s face was deadpan. Makoto had almost forgotten how easily Haru could see through him.

“I am! I’ve just had a rough day.” More like a rough week. After that argument, it wasn’t really that surprising that he had been feeling down.

Haru shrugged and looked away again. The silence came back, though perhaps this time it was even more stifling. So Makoto raised a question.

“So, where are you going to go?” It was no question what he was going to do. However, if there was an ounce of hope within him, it was that Haru wouldn’t be all that far away from him.

“I…don’t know.”

Makoto nodded, looking down at his hands. “That makes sense, I suppose. You’ve got some time until we’re supposed to apply anywhere anyway, so I’m sure you’ll find somewhere by then.”

Haru nodded, and the silence fell again. How had the atmosphere between them changed so much in such a short space of time?

“I’m sorry,” Makoto said finally. Haru looked up, eyes wide, eyebrows furrowed. “I really have stuck my nose into your business too often, I should have considered how you felt. I’m sorry.” Part of him felt like crying. He held back any tears, but the developing sadness did not keep itself from dimming his eyes. Haru noticed this.

“Don’t be,” Haru said. “I didn’t mean it when I said that.”

Makoto nodded, but he couldn’t help but think Haru was only saying that to please him, to get him to stop being emotional. He couldn’t take this atmosphere anymore. He needed to go someplace where he could let his feelings out without disturbing anywhere. He needed quiet.

He stood. “Sorry, I’d better go. I’ll see you later, Haru.” He wore his best smile as he said this, knowing Haru would know it was fake but not particularly caring. He just needed to go, to leave, to-

“Wait!” Haru stood too, his hand reaching out as though to grasp Makoto’s arm but not getting far enough.

“Haru-”

“Please don’t leave me.”

Makoto almost thought he had heard the wrong words. But then he saw the desperation in Haru’s eyes and the hand slowly being pulled back towards its owner’s chest, and he knew he had heard correctly.

But they couldn’t stay together, they both knew that. Eventually they’d have to part, to go in different directions, to Tokyo and to the world swimming stage. They had to leave, despite how much neither of them wanted to.

But he could read it clearly in Haru’s eyes, those three words that kept Makoto rooted to the spot, that made him want to retract his application to Tokyo and to follow after Haru where ever he decided to go: _I need you._

If only for that night, Makoto didn’t leave.


End file.
